Short​-​Fingered Vulgarian

from The Don of a New Error by The Alternative Facts

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In the mid-1980s, Spy magazine skewered the high and mighty on a regular basis. Spy co-creators Kurt Andersen and Graydon Carter had a favorite target: a certain New York developer with an inflated ego and ultra-thin skin. In fact, they invented a fantastic insult for said developer: "The Short-Fingered Vulgarian". It still gets under his skin.


Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Bona fide barbarian

A wannabe authoritarian

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

He's always been a little crass

He slapped the doctor on the ass

In second grade he made his case

He punched his teacher in the face
He's always been a special boy

'Cause being bad would bring him joy

He’s always been a ladies’ man

He grabs ‘em there because he can

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Proud to be an Aryan

A wannabe authoritarian 
Short-Fingered Vulgarian

He's gotta wear those special gloves

The kind that only mothers love

Keep little fingers toasty warm

Through the roughest Twitter storm
Now and then he'll lose his shit

And throw a man-sized hissy fit

His fingers may not be that long

They're still enough to launch the bombs

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Bona fide barbarian

A wannabe authoritarian

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Bona fide barbarian

Something the dog might carry in
Short-Fingered Vulgarian


from The Don of a New Error, released February 18, 2019
Copyright © 2018 The Alternative Facts


all rights reserved



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